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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Need For Coffee Overrides Scalding Sensation

ESCONDIDO, CA—Need for caffeine won out over intense, searing pain Tuesday, as Escondido-area coffee drinker Stephanie Cutler continued to drink her morning cup after sustaining third-degree burns on her tongue, lips and esophagus. "Must have coffee," said Cutler, pausing to scream between sips of the deadly 150-degree beverage. "Must have coffee."

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