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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Need For More Places To Sit Becomes Election's Most Important Issue

WASHINGTON—According to a revealing new Washington Post–ABC News poll, the need for more places to sit is rapidly eclipsing the economy, health care crisis, and war in Iraq to become the No. 1 issue in the minds of voters. "Standing up and walking hurts my feet real bad," said poll respondent Eva Wolchover, 51, who ranked the sitting issue as this election's most crucial. "Why haven't either of the candidates promised us more chairs and couches? I've been on my feet for 20 minutes and I'm getting sore." In response to the poll, both Barack Obama and John McCain have vowed to alleviate the national seating crisis, and will be participating in a series of town hall sit-downs in nine major cities beginning this week.

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