Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Neighbor Arriving Home At Same Time Offers Brief, Beguiling Glimpse Inside Apartment

CHICAGO—Gathering as much information on the residence as she could during the fleeting window of opportunity, local woman Kerry Egan was offered a brief, beguiling glimpse of the inside of the next-door apartment Monday upon arriving home at the same time as her neighbor. “Whoa, so that’s what her place looks like,” said Egan, discreetly peeking in through the tantalizing 2-foot-wide gap in the doorway as she unlocked her own door. “It kind of resembles my apartment—same general L shape, I think—but I can’t tell if it’s a little smaller or if it just seems that way because they have more furniture than I do. Man, that is a huge TV. That rug’s really nice, too. I wonder where she got it?” At press time, Egan’s own open door momentarily offered her neighbor an enticing glance at the dog that keeps her up all fucking night.

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