adBlockCheck

Neighbors Believed Murderer Only Capable Of Rape

Top Headlines

Local

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Ronald McDonald Statue Bears Full Brunt Of Teenagers’ Mockery

CLEVELAND—Remaining stoically silent throughout the barrage of vicious insults, unsavory accusations, and various other indignities directed at it, a statue of Ronald McDonald seated on a bench outside the fast-food chain’s Clark Avenue location is said to have borne the full force of a group of teenagers’ mockery Thursday.

Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent

OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.

Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster

GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the Dreeshen household confirmed Friday that the roster for their mom’s upcoming dinner party was absolutely stacked.

Bold Intern Giving Parents Tour Of Office

CHICAGO—Brazenly strolling through the rows of desks while pointing out the firm’s various departments to his two guests, Lodestone Media intern Nate Kapper, 19, made the incredibly bold move of giving his parents a tour of the company’s offices Wednesday, sources reported.

Beautiful Spring Day No Match For Last 35 Years Of Man’s Life

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Nullified almost immediately by the collective force of decades’ worth of resentment and disappointment, a bright and beautiful spring day was said to be no match for the past 35 years of local man Thomas Unger’s life, sources confirmed Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Lawn and Garden

Neighbors Believed Murderer Only Capable Of Rape

BEDFORD, VA–John Smith's April 25 murder of local teens Amy and Emily Dutler has sent shockwaves through this tight-knit community in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains, its 6,000 residents struggling to comprehend how the man was capable of a crime so severe.

The house where John Smith (inset) admitted to shooting teens Amy and Emily Dutler.

"I've known John Smith since grade school," said Deborah Sykes, 38, Smith's next-door neighbor. "I'd never have suspected for a second that he had it in him to murder two innocent girls. Rape them, sure. But murder? No way."

"When I heard about how John shot those girls in cold blood, all I could think was, 'This can't be,'" said Rodney Wilshire, owner of the grocery store Smith frequented. "I could see John taking them out to the woods, tying them up, and having his way with them–he always seemed like the type–but killing them? That's not the man I thought I knew."

According to his confession to police, the 39-year-old Smith broke into the Dutler home at 1 p.m. on the day in question and discovered Amy, 17, and Emily, 15, in the kitchen. Holding the girls at gunpoint, he led them to the basement, where he shot each of them once in the back of the head with a .38-caliber revolver. Smith was seen exiting the rear of the house by a neighbor, who called the police. He was arrested several hours later at his home three blocks away.

"Living in a small town, you feel like you know the people around you and what they're capable of," said Father Randolph Logan, who has set up a grief-counseling center in the basement of St. Michael's Church. "And from the sick things John would tell me during confession, I definitely felt he was capable of rape–we're talking about some seriously impure thoughts here. But at no point did I ever pick up on any homicidal impulses from him."

"With John around, you always expected some girl to eventually turn up, bruised and naked, in the janitor's closet at school," Logan continued. "But then something like this happens, and all your preconceptions are shattered."

While Smith's neighbors said they had always felt there was "something definitely wrong in the head" with the quiet bachelor, they now realize that they underestimated his mental problems.

"When you have someone living right near you and see them every day, you never think, 'That person is a killer,'" neighbor Randy Weber said. "Once in a while you think to yourself, 'I bet he's diddling little boys.' But cold-blooded murder? It just goes to show, you can never predict the human capacity for evil."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close