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Veteran Told What Offends Him

WASHINGTON—In the wake of protests in which some players knelt during the national anthem prior to this week’s NFL games, a U.S. Army veteran has been informed that the acts offended him.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Neighbors Come Together To Watch BMW Owner Struggle In Snow

EVANSTON, IL—Putting aside their own responsibilities and quickly gathering at their neighbor’s driveway, Foster Street residents reportedly came together Monday to watch a BMW owner struggle to free his car from the snow. “I threw on a coat and headed outside as soon as I saw that his car was really stuck,” said neighborhood resident David Rinaldi, who immediately stopped what he was doing to join other locals and passersby who had assembled for a better view of the frustrated driver revving the luxury vehicle’s engine and spinning the tires in vain. “His car wasn’t going anywhere, so I knew I should come out and get a good look at him barely moving back and forth as his BMW made loud screeching noises.” Rinaldi confirmed that the BMW owner had done the same for him in the past.

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