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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
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Neighbors' Wi-Fi Password Must Be Something Good

CHICAGO—After exhausting all the obvious candidates, laptop user Ted Murphy concluded Thursday that the Wi-Fi password of the Ostermann family next door must be something pretty good. "Well, this is a tough little nut to crack," Murphy said following a half hour of failed efforts to access the Internet without moving from his sofa. "It's not 'password,' 'ostermann,' '123456,' or the name of any family member or pet. I'll be damned—they really put some thought into this one." If his next 20 or so attempts fail, Murphy said he would just try joining the network known only as Linksys.

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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

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