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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Neither Pickup Basketball Team Has Scored In Over 2 Hours

SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA—Midway through a friendly pickup basketball game at the San Luis Obispo County YMCA Thursday, players from both teams confirmed that neither side has made a single shot in well over two hours. “I think I remember the guy in the Lakers T-shirt sinking a jumper early on, but that had to have been at least a couple of hours ago,” 31-year-old Michael Torres told reporters, noting that the game has consisted of approximately 80 missed lay-ups, dozens of off-target fadeaways, and more than 150 air balls since the last basket. “I hit the rim on a three-pointer maybe 45 minutes ago, and at one point, [teammate] Adam [Burke] almost had a tip-in until it took a bad bounce off the backboard. That’s about as close as anyone’s come that I can remember, though. Man, it’s getting late.” At press time, the score of the game was still 2-0.

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