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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Nervous Joe Girardi Blows Interview With Yankees

TAMPA, FL—Former manager of the year Joe Girardi blamed "rustiness and an extreme case of nerves" after blowing his interview for the New York Yankees head coaching position yesterday. "It started to go bad when I forgot my resume at home, got worse when I called Steinbrenner 'Mr. Steensbaum,' and it went straight downhill from there," said a flustered Girardi, who also blanked on the names of Yankee legends Babe Ruth and Joe DiMaggio, told his potential boss that in five years he saw the Yankees being a .500 baseball team, and called Johnny Damon the next Mickey Mantle during the hour-long interview with Hank Steinbrenner and general manager Brian Cashman. "Then, in order to say something that would set me apart from other candidates, I told Mr. Steinbrenner that if I got the job I would move Mariano Rivera to the starting rotation. That didn't go over so hot." When Steinbrenner asked Girardi who he thought should be the manager of the Yankees, Girardi named Joe Torre, saying that he couldn't think of anyone else who deserves the position more, knew the team as well, or would do anywhere near as good a job.

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