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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Nervous Joe Girardi Blows Interview With Yankees

TAMPA, FL—Former manager of the year Joe Girardi blamed "rustiness and an extreme case of nerves" after blowing his interview for the New York Yankees head coaching position yesterday. "It started to go bad when I forgot my resume at home, got worse when I called Steinbrenner 'Mr. Steensbaum,' and it went straight downhill from there," said a flustered Girardi, who also blanked on the names of Yankee legends Babe Ruth and Joe DiMaggio, told his potential boss that in five years he saw the Yankees being a .500 baseball team, and called Johnny Damon the next Mickey Mantle during the hour-long interview with Hank Steinbrenner and general manager Brian Cashman. "Then, in order to say something that would set me apart from other candidates, I told Mr. Steinbrenner that if I got the job I would move Mariano Rivera to the starting rotation. That didn't go over so hot." When Steinbrenner asked Girardi who he thought should be the manager of the Yankees, Girardi named Joe Torre, saying that he couldn't think of anyone else who deserves the position more, knew the team as well, or would do anywhere near as good a job.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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