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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Nervous Pope Candidate Changes Wine Into Jesus Christ's Urine

VATICAN CITY—While undergoing the selection process at the ongoing papal conclave, anxious pope candidate Cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi accidentally transformed the sacramental wine into Jesus Christ’s urine, the embarrassed church official confirmed Tuesday. “Shit, nobody drink that, it’s piss,” said a flustered Ravasi, moments after discovering he had transubstantiated the brimming contents of a Eucharist goblet into the Holy Messiah’s urine in front of more than 100 cardinals. “I swear, I’ve consecrated the altar wine into the blood of Christ a thousand times, but I just got so nervous with everyone watching me. Man, that smells nasty.” The bishop added that he hadn’t been this ashamed since an infamous 2003 Communion ceremony in which he distractedly converted the sacramental bread into a hardened disc of the Son of God’s fecal matter.

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