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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Netflix Switches Over To Convenient New Physical Locations

LOS GATOS, CA—Officials at Netflix announced Thursday that the company has finally reached its long-term goal of constructing a chain of easily accessible stores. "Having actual physical locations was always our ultimate intent, and we are proud to provide our customers with the convenient option of driving to a nearby Netflix store and renting any available movie for just $3.99 per title," said Netflix spokesman Henry Regis, adding that the ease of physically walking through aisles and picking out DVDs will more than make up for the stores' minimized selection of titles. "We will also be implementing late fees to help ensure films are returned on time—that way no one misses a chance to rent the hottest new releases." Regis confirmed that the new physical locations will be open from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. and include easy after-hours drop-off boxes.

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