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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Netflix Town Criers Announce Arrival Of ‘Mad Men’ Season 6 On Streaming

LOS GATOS, CA—Arousing the attention of townspeople with repeated peals of their handbells before pausing to recite from scrolls stowed in their red frock coats, Netflix town criers were dispatched to public squares across the land Tuesday to herald the arrival of Mad Men Season 6 on Netflix streaming, sources nationwide reported. “Here ye, good sirs and madams with active Netflix subscriptions! By proclamation of the most honorable press office of Netflix, Inc., let it be known to all persons that the sixth-most season of Emmy Award–winning AMC drama Mad Men is available to Watch Instantly forthwith,” bellowed town crier Nathaniel Hodges as he traversed the residential streets of Yardley, PA, drawing townsfolk out to their verandas to hear tell of the new addition to the company’s extensive movie and TV library. “I hereby decree that all 13 episodes of this riveting season shall be available on PCs, Macs, TVs, tablets, gaming consoles, and an expanding selection of internet-capable devices. Come one, come all to see if the goodman Don Draper returns to his philandering ways and whether Peggy will prosper in her new role at Cutler, Gleason, and Chaough!” At press time, village sources reported that the crier had posted notice of the latest Netflix offerings on the door of the local pub and set forth across the Delaware River to bring the hopeful tidings to the good subscribers of West Trenton, NJ.

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