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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Nets Announce Team Is In Re-Demolition Mode

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—In a continuing effort to destroy their roster and ultimately cause their team's collapse, Nets officials announced Monday that the franchise was entrenched in a long-term re-demolition process. "Obviously, we're not going to just fall apart overnight, but our 0-10 start is proof that we're imploding in the right direction," said general manager Kiki Vandeweghe. "We've been working for years to demolish the core of the Nets roster by getting rid of Jason Kidd, Richard Jefferson, and Vince Carter. And with the acquisition of Yi Jianlian from China, a player who is sure to be a bust, this organization has begun to really focus on tearing itself down from the ground up." Vandeweghe said he is following the re-demolition model established by the New York Knicks and praised the ongoing team-destruction efforts of owner Jim Dolan, who he said is "doing a great job over there."

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