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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Nets Announce Team Is In Re-Demolition Mode

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—In a continuing effort to destroy their roster and ultimately cause their team's collapse, Nets officials announced Monday that the franchise was entrenched in a long-term re-demolition process. "Obviously, we're not going to just fall apart overnight, but our 0-10 start is proof that we're imploding in the right direction," said general manager Kiki Vandeweghe. "We've been working for years to demolish the core of the Nets roster by getting rid of Jason Kidd, Richard Jefferson, and Vince Carter. And with the acquisition of Yi Jianlian from China, a player who is sure to be a bust, this organization has begun to really focus on tearing itself down from the ground up." Vandeweghe said he is following the re-demolition model established by the New York Knicks and praised the ongoing team-destruction efforts of owner Jim Dolan, who he said is "doing a great job over there."

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