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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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Network Pushes The 'Dumbing It Down' Envelope

LOS ANGELES—Already home to Extreme Makeover, Trista & Ryan's Wedding, and According To Jim, the ABC television network is now looking to develop some really, really, really dumb shows, network sources announced Monday. "With all the competition in television, we have to make the ABC brand stand out," said Susan Lyne, president of ABC Entertainment. "That's why we want a slate of projects that will out-dumb the dumb shows like Whoopi, The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, and The Next Joe Millionaire." ABC's pilot orders for Fall 2004 include The Naked Ladies, Extreme Explosions, and America's Shiniest Objects.

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