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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Networks Battling Until Last Minute Over Who Has To Air World Cup

NEW YORK—The bidding war over the 2010 FIFA World Cup continues to rage between television networks, with multimillion-dollar sums being offered for the rights to show something other than soccer's greatest spectacle. "When the World Cup begins this June, millions of viewers across the nation will be tuning into something, anything, else," said ESPN program director Lisa Hibbing, whose network is currently losing the bidding war and may be forced to air more than 60 matches. "Considering ESPN's main demographic—young male sports fans—and taking into account the time difference between the U.S. and South Africa, and reflecting on our reputation as a sports channel, we'd much rather be showing car-product infomercials at that hour of the morning. Long story short, we're prepared to offer NBC roughly half a billion dollars." When asked for comment, NBC executives said they had "just barely dodged the Olympic bullet" and that it was someone else's turn.

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