Neurologists Implore Professional Athletes To Wait Until They Are Dead To Send In Brains For Research

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Vol 47 Issue 51

How To Consume Spicy Foods

Spicy foods continue to grow in popularity, whether they agree with your palate or not. Here are some tips on how to avoid social awkwardness while consuming spicy dishes: Assure your palate you mean it no harm by giving it a little kiss before ea...

Those We Lost In 2011

North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-il, Col. Muammar Qaddafi, Family Circus creator Bil Keane, al-Qaeda founder Osama bin Laden.
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Neurologists Implore Professional Athletes To Wait Until They Are Dead To Send In Brains For Research

ST. PAUL—The American Academy of Neurology issued a statement this week urging professional athletes with suspected concussions to wait until they are deceased before sending in their brains for research. "We already have numerous brains to study, so please stop prying open your skulls with chisels and crowbars and scooping your brain matter into a mailing envelopes," said AAN president Bruce Sigsbee MD, adding that neurologists have also received the decapitated heads of 200 professional athletes who could not figure out how to remove their brains from their skulls. "However, if athletes do feel compelled to ship us their brains before their death, we recommend they not bash in their heads with a large rock to retrieve it, as it may damage the neural tissue and prevent proper diagnosis." Sources at the U.S. postal service confirmed that they have already discovered over 200 professional athletes with their heads stuck in mailboxes after attempting to mail themselves.

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