The Onion Weather Center delivers a very special weather report for all of our very special viewers in the Deep South, who require a little extra attention to help them understand that really big numbers mean hot temperatures.
LAS VEGASThe Nevada Boxing Commission has pleaded not guilty for involvement in a fighting ring, which, according to the indictment, has been pitting trained fighters, or "boxers," in organized fights in which participants were routinely brutally injured. "We would never, as the district attorney has accused us of doing, foster an environment where two men would stand toe to toe and mercilessly beat one another for the entertainment of others," said lawyer Joshua Goodman in a statement read to a crowd of demonstrating human-rights activists outside Caesars Palace. "We're not barbarians. We resent these accusations, and we particularly detest the implication that wagering on the health and well-being of these men ever took place." Despite the statement, Goldenpalace.com has decided to remove its endorsements from the skin of boxers associated with the Commission.