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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Nevada Boxing Commission Denies Involvement In Fighting Ring

LAS VEGASThe Nevada Boxing Commission has pleaded not guilty for involvement in a fighting ring, which, according to the indictment, has been pitting trained fighters, or "boxers," in organized fights in which participants were routinely brutally injured. "We would never, as the district attorney has accused us of doing, foster an environment where two men would stand toe to toe and mercilessly beat one another for the entertainment of others," said lawyer Joshua Goodman in a statement read to a crowd of demonstrating human-rights activists outside Caesars Palace. "We're not barbarians. We resent these accusations, and we particularly detest the implication that wagering on the health and well-being of these men ever took place." Despite the statement, Goldenpalace.com has decided to remove its endorsements from the skin of boxers associated with the Commission.

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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