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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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New App Matches You With Others In Vicinity Who Wasted $2.99 On Same App

NEW YORK—Sources confirmed Thursday that millions nationwide are signing up for Squandr, a new social discovery app employing GPS technology to match users with others in their vicinity who also wasted $2.99 on the same software. “For me, it’s just a fun, no-risk way to meet new people and talk about how we all blew a few bucks on this app,” said Kelly Harmon, 27, who said she was pleasantly surprised to discover just how many people in her immediate area had the same frivolous spending habits she did. “You can be in a park or a coffee shop surrounded by strangers, but with this app, you can immediately start up a conversation about how money apparently has no meaning to you whatsoever. It’s pretty cool.” According to sources, many users are also opting to pay $4.99 for Squandr Premium, which offers the exact features of the original app for an additional two dollars.

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