New App Matches You With Others In Vicinity Who Wasted $2.99 On Same App

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Vol 50 Issue 15

Xylophonist Shredding It

Everyone in a bustling Chinese parade is attempting to elude pursuers, newly discovered cave paintings suggest early man was battling a lot of inner demons, and a xylophonist is shredding it.

Alabama Quietly Strikes Bo Bice Day From State Calendar

MONTGOMERY, AL—Conceding that there was no longer a need to formally acknowledge the accomplishments of American Idol fourth season runner-up and Alabama native Bo Bice, state officials Friday quietly moved to strike Bo Bice Day from the offi...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

New App Matches You With Others In Vicinity Who Wasted $2.99 On Same App

NEW YORK—Sources confirmed Thursday that millions nationwide are signing up for Squandr, a new social discovery app employing GPS technology to match users with others in their vicinity who also wasted $2.99 on the same software. “For me, it’s just a fun, no-risk way to meet new people and talk about how we all blew a few bucks on this app,” said Kelly Harmon, 27, who said she was pleasantly surprised to discover just how many people in her immediate area had the same frivolous spending habits she did. “You can be in a park or a coffee shop surrounded by strangers, but with this app, you can immediately start up a conversation about how money apparently has no meaning to you whatsoever. It’s pretty cool.” According to sources, many users are also opting to pay $4.99 for Squandr Premium, which offers the exact features of the original app for an additional two dollars.

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