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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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New Apple Campaign Urges Consumers To Buy iPhone For Other Hand

Year In Review

CUPERTINO, CA—As part of an effort to boost smartphone sales following lower-than-expected third-quarter earnings, Apple announced today a new national advertising campaign urging users to buy a second iPhone for their other hand. "Imagine having Safari, FaceTime, and Siri in both of your hands at the same time," Apple CEO Tim Cook said in a press release for the new campaign, which will debut Friday night during the Olympic opening ceremonies with the slogan "Need an extra hand with that?" "On the one hand—quite literally—you're texting a friend, and on the other, you're hitting up Siri for the nearest pizza joint. With that second phone, iPhone users will truly have the power of the Internet at their fingertips—all 10 of them. This is the wave of the future right here." At press time, Apple reported that iPhone sales for the day had passed the 600,000-order mark.

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