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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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New Atlanta Braves Logo Features Gruesome Depiction Of Trail Of Tears

ATLANTA—Braves general manager Frank Wren announced Wednesday that the team’s new logo would feature a grim depiction of the numerous atrocities suffered by Native Americans on the Trail of Tears. “Since many felt that the screaming brave logo was offensive and insensitive, we decided that the Atlanta Braves’ emblem should encapsulate the brutal forced relocation of Native Americans,” said Wren, adding that the new symbol would feature a bleak illustration of starving members of the Cherokee nation succumbing to exposure and disease. “The young Cherokee girl dying from pneumonia at the center of the logo really captures the cruelty of forcibly removing Native Americans from their homelands to make room for white settlements. However, we feel that all 4,000 of the dead Native Americans in the design were rendered wonderfully.” In related news, the Cleveland Indians announced plans to honor the plight and discrimination of Native Americans by continuing to use the same logo.

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