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New 'Baby Weinstein' Tapes Prepare Infants For Career In Entertainment Law

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Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.
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New 'Baby Weinstein' Tapes Prepare Infants For Career In Entertainment Law

LOS ANGELES—Zazz! Entertainment, Inc. announced Monday that sales of their Baby Weinstein series of children's DVDs, CDs, and videotapes designed to inspire children under the age of 3 to pursue careers in entertainment law reached their 3-million mark. "We're proud to be the only multimedia company featuring colorful imagery of kids pre-verbally arguing their own contracts, playing with the building blocks of major franchises, and refusing to be seen on the screen with competing babies," company founder and producer Josh Noah Levy said. "And we're currently going to court to make sure we remain the only people doing that." Despite the success of such titles as Baby Spielberg and Baby Ovitz, production halted in July after several babies made what Levy called unreasonable demands for their mommies.

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