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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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New Biography Reveals Einstein Devised Theory Of Relativity On Paper Because He Wasn't Smart Enough To Invent Microsoft Word

PRINCETON, NJ—A new biography by science historian Tanya Medel has rocked the physics world with the revelation that theoretical physicist Albert Einstein wasn't smart enough to invent Microsoft Word and use it to devise his theory of relativity. "The name Einstein has become synonymous with intelligence, but as I researched my book, it became clear he was incapable of devising a simple word-processing program with which to type up his findings," Medel said Thursday of the physicist whose work revolutionized science and fundamentally changed the way people think about space and time. "He had to scrawl everything out by hand, like some dumbo. It's a wonder people could even make heads or tails out of it without simple bullet points and auto-numbering." Medel also revealed that the famous photo of Einstein with his tongue sticking out was not a pose made for the sake of humor, but was instead the way he looked all the time because he was just that stupid.

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