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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.
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New Book Alleges There Was One Day When A-Rod Didn't Take Steroids

NEW YORK—Selena Roberts, author of A-Rod: The Many Lives Of Alex Rodriguez, has made a number of fresh allegations against the Yankee slugger in her new biography, most notably that on December 11, 1997, Rodriguez did not put any type of performance-enhancing substance into his body. "Everyone knows that Alex has taken steroids every day of his adult life, and anyone who says otherwise is being irresponsible or just lying to you," said Yankee manager Joe Girardi, who testified to personally watching the third baseman inject himself with an anabolic substance every day for the past year and a half. "I don't care what some journalist says—anyone who knows Alex knows he has put every conceivable steroid and hormone cocktail into his body every single day since he started high school. And probably before then. That's just the kind of guy he is." When asked directly about Roberts' book, A-Rod finished an injection into his buttocks, swallowed a handful of pills, and categorically denied every allegation.

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