adBlockCheck

Local

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Boyfriend Charming Pants Off Baskin-Robbins Staff

OAKWOOD, GA—After claiming he's so full from lunch he couldn't possibly eat more than a couple of sprinkles, Kevin Warner, who is on his fifth date with Stephanie Hilten, appears to be delighting the hell out of the Baskin-Robbins employees currently serving the two 17-year-olds. Warner reportedly won over the cashiers within moments of entering the store, jokingly asking whether they had any different flavors in the back, and making flattering, slightly flirtatious comments about Hilten. "Oh my God, everybody just loves him," said Hilten, who has remained arm-in-arm with her boyfriend during the entire endearing transaction. "Oh my God. I love him." Sources close to the couple said a guy like Warner is exactly what Hilten needs, especially after what her last boyfriend did to her at Applebee's.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close