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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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New Boyfriend Charming Pants Off Baskin-Robbins Staff

OAKWOOD, GA—After claiming he's so full from lunch he couldn't possibly eat more than a couple of sprinkles, Kevin Warner, who is on his fifth date with Stephanie Hilten, appears to be delighting the hell out of the Baskin-Robbins employees currently serving the two 17-year-olds. Warner reportedly won over the cashiers within moments of entering the store, jokingly asking whether they had any different flavors in the back, and making flattering, slightly flirtatious comments about Hilten. "Oh my God, everybody just loves him," said Hilten, who has remained arm-in-arm with her boyfriend during the entire endearing transaction. "Oh my God. I love him." Sources close to the couple said a guy like Warner is exactly what Hilten needs, especially after what her last boyfriend did to her at Applebee's.

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