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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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New Children's Hospital Filled To Capacity

ATLANTA—When Andrew Nash decided to abandon a successful career in land development to pursue his lifelong dream of owning his own children's hospital, he hoped the venture would be successful.

Andrew Nash is thrilled with the popularity of his new children's hospital, which is "packing 'em in."

But he never dreamed it would be this successful.

Open just two weeks, Nash Children's Hospital in downtown Atlanta is already proving to be a big hit, its 635 beds fully occupied and its emergency room boasting waits of up to seven hours.

"I was hoping this place would do well, but this is beyond what I could have possibly imagined," said Nash, surveying the bustle in the hospital's nephrology ward. "Just look at this—rows upon rows of kids hooked up to my dialysis machines. It's absolutely phenomenal."

"It's just so exciting," Nash said. "Every day I come in here, and there's more and more kids. We've barely got enough IV drips for all of them."

Business only got better yesterday, when an 18-wheeler slammed into a school bus at a busy Atlanta intersection. In all, 31 children had to be hospitalized with injuries ranging from broken clavicles to massive brain contusions.

"As soon as I heard about that bus crash, I called up my wife, and we went out to dinner to celebrate," Nash said. "It's still hard to believe how well things are going."

So popular is the new hospital, patients are flocking to it from all over the Southeast. Last Friday, an eight-year-old boy from Shreveport, LA, checked in for a bone-marrow transplant, a $153,000 procedure.

"That's a lot of money to spend," Nash said, "but people really seem to love this place. I just hope they keep coming back."

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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