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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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New Comic Features Aquaman As 45-Year-Old Single Father To Troubled Flounder

NEW YORK—In what many are calling the publisher's most dramatic relaunch to date, DC Comics released on Wednesday the first issue of a new Aquaman series that depicts the underwater superhero as a 45-year-old single father struggling to raise a troubled flounder. "Written by acclaimed writer Scott Snyder, this new series really captures the depths of Aquaman's character as he agonizes over his flounder wife abandoning the family and then learns that being primary caregiver to a juvenile-delinquent fish is the most difficult challenge in all the seven seas," said DC comics editor-in-chief Bob Harras, adding that the middle-aged Aquaman and his flounder son share a cramped apartment in a rough area of Atlantis. "Aquaman, whose super strength and powers have faded with age, must summon all his telepathic abilities to get through to the violent and aggressive young flounder, who is expelled from school after attacking an ornate cowfish." Harras confirmed that an upcoming storyline would involve Aquaman learning his troubled son was actually fathered by a young Black Manta.

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