New Commercial Posits Existence Of Jaguars Fans

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Vol 48 Issue 34

Law & Order: D.A.R.E. Unit

NBC 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT In this heart-wrenching episode, Detectives Ollie West and Bailey Swan are forced to arrest a kid who is so addicted to marijuana-smoking that he was rejected by every college he applied to and got caught up in shoplifting...

Annette and Barrett Carnell

Longtime married couple Annette and Barrett Carnell died last night side by side, bickering about who was bleeding out the worst.

Nathan Kroger

Nathan Kroger was crushed by a hay bale, which sounds like it might be light, but this hay bale happened to be extremely heavy.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

New Commercial Posits Existence Of Jaguars Fans

JACKSONVILLE, FL—In spite of a lack of real-world evidence supporting the presumption, a new Nike commercial that debuted on network television Friday featured actors dressed in Jacksonville Jaguars apparel and posited that fans of the AFC team exist. "It's an interesting theory, but you'd have to be pretty gullible to believe that large numbers of people would cheer on the Jaguars," said Rossford, OH resident Paul Giorgio, who saw the commercial during the otherwise logical Lions-Ravens preseason matchup. "If Jacksonville fans did exist, they probably would hold up those 'GO JAGS' signs and wear turquoise face paint. But when the camera pulls back to reveal a whole stadium of people like that in an otherwise unknown town in northern Florida, the premise really falls apart." A Nike spokesperson told reporters the company had yet to sell a single Jaguars jersey.

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