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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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New Commercial Posits Existence Of Jaguars Fans

JACKSONVILLE, FL—In spite of a lack of real-world evidence supporting the presumption, a new Nike commercial that debuted on network television Friday featured actors dressed in Jacksonville Jaguars apparel and posited that fans of the AFC team exist. "It's an interesting theory, but you'd have to be pretty gullible to believe that large numbers of people would cheer on the Jaguars," said Rossford, OH resident Paul Giorgio, who saw the commercial during the otherwise logical Lions-Ravens preseason matchup. "If Jacksonville fans did exist, they probably would hold up those 'GO JAGS' signs and wear turquoise face paint. But when the camera pulls back to reveal a whole stadium of people like that in an otherwise unknown town in northern Florida, the premise really falls apart." A Nike spokesperson told reporters the company had yet to sell a single Jaguars jersey.

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