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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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New Constitution Of The United States Ratified

A new Constitution of the United States was ratified today, less than a week after the nation discovered the previous Constitution had expired.

The new constitution, which will henceforth serve as our country's guiding document, was written in just under five hours by a group of former congressmen with the help of a handful of prominent business leaders who stepped forward mid-crisis to offer their assistance. Since there was no official rule of law at the time of the writing, the group granted themselves the power to ratify the new U.S. Constitution immediately after penning it.

The new Constitution, officially called "AT&T Presents General Electric's Constitution Of The United States Of America" is over 500 pages long and, as stipulated in New Article 9, the full text of the constitution shall never be made public. However, the first page of the document can be seen after the jump.

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