New Country-Music Video Has Look Of 1991 Rock Video

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Vol 37 Issue 04

'Mr. Falafel' Owner Does Not Actually Like Being Addressed As Mr. Falafel

DETROIT–In a candid interview Monday, Elias Nawaz, owner of the Mr. Falafel restaurant on Telegraph Road, asserted that he does not like to be called Mr. Falafel. "Please call me Mr. Nawaz," he said. "Or, if you wish to be less formal, you can call me Elias. But my name is not Mr. Falafel." Nawaz added that anyone asking to speak to "Mrs. Falafel" would be ignored outright.

Woman Panics After Accidentally Getting Into Exact-Change Lane

DES PLAINES, IL–Motorist Gloria Eckstrom, 64, panicked Monday after accidentally entering an I-90 toll-booth lane explicitly marked "Exact Change Only." "Oh, my goodness," said Eckstrom, the flow of traffic carrying her toward a basket into which she would soon be expected to toss 40 cents. "I'm in the wrong lane." Eckstrom was able to merge into a nearby "Manual" lane at the last possible moment, averting disaster.

Special 'Framers' Cut' Of Constitution To Feature Five Deleted Amendments

WASHINGTON, DC–The National Archives and Records Administration announced plans Monday to release a special "framers' cut" of the Constitution featuring five bonus amendments deleted from the original. According to NARA head John Carlin, the new document includes "more than the 35 lines of never-before-seen provisions sure to thrill history buffs." Among the goodies: an early draft of the Fifth Amendment protecting citizens from being put in quintuple jeopardy and a rare, unnumbered Amendment granting each member of Congress the right to "one concubine of his choosing per term served." The expanded version will also include "framers' commentary" by Alexander Hamilton and James Madison written in the margins, as well as a "Making Of The Constitution" document after the list of framers' signatures.

High-School Teacher Reluctantly Breaks Up Fight

IRVINE, CA–With great trepidation, Irvine West High School teacher Ted Broussard broke up a hallway fistfight Monday between students Rick Anders and Jeff Streed. "That would have been a great fight," Broussard said. "I would have loved to see those two go at it. Too bad I was required to put a stop to it." Broussard noted that despite his smaller size, Anders "probably could've taken [Streed]."
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New Country-Music Video Has Look Of 1991 Rock Video

NASHVILLE–The video for Lonestar's "How 'Bout That," which premiered Monday on TNN, bears an uncanny resemblance to a typical rock video circa 1991. "Dude, this looks like Bad English or something," Ryan Stearns, 24, told friend Jon Labine while watching the popular country band's video. "Check out the ripped jeans. And the long hair. And the mountaintop guitar-strumming." Said Labine: "No, wait–you know who this looks like? Damn Yankees. Or was it Extreme? Whichever did that 'High Enough' song, where they're rocking out in the junkyard." Labine also noted that Lonestar singer Richie McDonald kind of sounds like the guy from Mr. Big.

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