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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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New Desktop Folder Created For Sad Little Creative Project

CANTON, OH—According to sources, local sales associate Dan Herzfeld, 29, created a new desktop folder on his office laptop this morning for the sad little creative project he’s working on. “I’m going to have a lot of documents for this, so I need to stay organized and have everything in one place,” said Herzfeld of the deeply depressing virtual folder, titled ‘Skyzone Stuff,’ which reportedly includes seven heartbreaking little subfolders including ‘First Drafts,’ ‘Second Drafts,’ ‘Character Bios,’ and ‘Misc.” “It’s just a single hub where I can access everything quickly, that way if I need to look at the revised outline or my one-sheet pitch, I don’t have to search all over my hard drive for the docs.” At press time, the poor son of a bitch was dragging a file titled “Ideas for Scenes” into the folder.

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