New 'Do Not Kill' Registry To Allow Americans To Opt Out Of Being Murdered

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Vol 46 Issue 39

NHL To Allow Finishing Moves In Fights This Season

NEW YORK—In a policy shift that seems to run counter to the recent emphasis on professional hockey as a game of speed and finesse, the NHL announced Wednesday that it will allow exceptionally graphic finishing moves for the 2010-2011 season.

George Blanda

Blanda's 26-year career saw him establish records for longevity and PATs on his way to becoming an inspiration for older fans. Was he any good?
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New 'Do Not Kill' Registry To Allow Americans To Opt Out Of Being Murdered

WASHINGTON—A bipartisan coalition of U.S. Congress members announced Tuesday the creation of the nationwide "Do Not Kill" Registry, which gives citizens the convenience of choosing whether or not they would like to be violently murdered. "Obviously, we understand there are many Americans who would rather not be disturbed at dinnertime by an ax-wielding maniac, and that's why we are providing this service," said Sen. Mike Enzi (R-WY), who explained the law would also regulate the practice of random robokilling. "All citizens will have to do is supply us with their names and telephone numbers and we will make sure to block any further bothersome visits from killers smashing down their doors and ruthlessly murdering them in front of their screaming families." While the new program is proving to be popular, critics have pointed out that more than 2,000 of the people who have signed up for the registry have been stabbed to death in their driveways simply because they didn't realize it takes 30 days to go into effect.

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