New ‘Doctors Without Licenses’ Program Provides Incompetent Medical Care To Refugees

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Vol 50 Issue 08

Obese Americans Get Less Than 4 Hours Of Exercise Per Year

According to a new study from researchers at the University of Alabama, the average obese American gets fewer than 4 hours of “vigorous exercise” per year, with obese men averaging 3.6 hours of vigorous exercise per year and obese women gettin...
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New ‘Doctors Without Licenses’ Program Provides Incompetent Medical Care To Refugees

GENEVA—Determined to provide shoddy, substandard care to the world’s refugees, the new humanitarian organization Doctors Without Licenses began sending its first wave of decertified physicians, pre-med undergraduates, and “those just curious about the human body” to conflict zones around the globe this week. “Our mission is simple: Wherever a displaced population is suffering from lack of medical attention, our dishonored and dangerously unqualified medical non-professionals will be there to deliver purely guesswork-based care and recalled medication free of charge,” said DWL Executive Director Phillipe Lapointe, who began practicing medicine earlier this week after downloading several episodes of House. “Within 24 hours, a team of critically inept DWL volunteers can be anywhere in the world misdiagnosing diseases, incorrectly suturing wounds, forgetting to sanitize instruments, or shrugging their shoulders during complications in childbirth. And we will stay until either the refugees can safely return to their homes or we run out of things to try.” Lapointe added that DWL is currently seeking donations, specifically any old needles or outdated medical textbooks people have lying around.

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