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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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New Documentary To Finally Shed Light On Nation’s Fast Food Chains

WASHINGTON—Americans across the country expressed their excitement Wednesday over the upcoming release of Value Meal, a feature-length documentary that will, at long last, shed some light on America’s fast food restaurant chains. “I’ve always wondered if eating fast food could potentially have some health risks, so I’m looking forward to watching Value Meal and finding out about some of the heretofore unexamined pros and cons of this industry,” said Denver resident David Jarrett, adding that he is looking forward to the documentary exposing the inner workings of the likes of McDonald’s, Burger King, and Wendy’s to the general public for the very first time. “Finally, we’ll get a glimpse into how fast food restaurants operate behind the counter—how they produce and cook the food, their treatment of livestock and general farming practices, and the working conditions of their employees, so that I can learn what problems, if any, exist at these establishments. Man, it’s about time someone made a documentary like this, you know?” Reached for comment, extremely anxious executives from every major fast food corporation expressed their terror to reporters that Value Meal may dissuade Americans from ever eating at their restaurants again.

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