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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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New Ed McMahon Autobiography Reveals He Slept With 7 Women

LOS ANGELES—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the entertainment industry, the just-published Ed McMahon autobiography, Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Ed, disclosed that the veteran Tonight Show emcee slept with seven separate women over the course of his long career. "Frankly, a lot of people in Hollywood were stunned to learn this number," said gossip columnist Liz Smith on Monday. "Think about it—that would mean he had sex with one woman every six to nine years." According to the book, McMahon's conquests include a woman he met overseas while serving in the Marines, a woman he dated for two years before she broke up with him, three other women he dated for five years before they broke up with him, and two of his three wives.

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