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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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New ESPN Program To Feature Attractive Blonde Reading Tweets For 30 Minutes

LOS ANGELES—ESPN programming executives announced Wednesday the debut of a new show called The Pulse that will air afternoons on ESPN and evenings on ESPN2 and which will consist of an attractive blonde host reading tweets and Facebook comments to the camera for a half hour. “This new show will tap into the real conversations taking place across social channels and then literally repeat those conversations back to people,” said Jamie Horowitz, vice president of original programming. “We are confident that a beautiful, flaxen-haired young woman flirtatiously reading short, easy-to-digest messages aloud is exactly the kind of innovative programming that the discerning modern sports fan demands.” After several rounds of test marketing, the collected data suggested that The Pulse has the potential to become the most popular program on the entire ESPN family of networks despite frequently veering completely off the topic of sports.

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