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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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New Evidence Confirms A-Rod Invented Steroids

NEW YORK—In another blow to the disgraced superstar’s legacy, Major League Baseball officials reportedly acquired new evidence this week confirming that third baseman Alex Rodriguez invented steroids. “These documents prove that, well before his first positive test, Mr. Rodriguez invented and distributed the very first muscle-building anabolic steroids, as well as amphetamines and HGH,” said MLB executive vice president Rob Manfred, who noted that Rodriguez began early testing and development of the performance-enhancing drugs in a laboratory near Seattle. “We also now know beyond doubt that in the ensuing years, Mr. Rodriguez refined steroids to make them less detectable, and in blatant contempt of league regulations continued to supply doctors with the illegal substances that have stained the reputation of baseball forever.” At press time, Alex Rodriguez was reportedly concocting a new lethal chemical agent capable of wiping out the entire Eastern Seaboard.

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