adBlockCheck

Recent News

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Evidence Suggests Dinosaurs Died In Cretaceous Period Hospice

LAWRENCE, KS—After studying a rich fossil bed in the South Dakota plains, paleontologists from the University of Kansas have confirmed that most Cretaceous Period dinosaurs ultimately died in hospice care. “We’ve uncovered a number of fossils of elderly Tyrannosaurus Rexes and Troodons more or less seated in makeshift wheelchairs and covered in shawls,” Professor Meredith Moreschi told reporters Friday, adding that once dinosaurs were too old to take care of themselves, they were loaded onto the back of a triceratops and carried to an assisted living facility where they could be looked after by a trained staff of anklyosaurs. “We also found evidence of older, dementia-suffering velociraptors wandering off and being led back to the facility by stegosauruses, who essentially served as night nurses.” Moreschi added that specific groupings of other fossils in the area indicated that younger dinosaurs didn’t visit the older ones nearly as often as they could have.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close