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After Birth

Web Series Reaches 100 Views

A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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New Extended Paternity Leave Offers Dads More Time To Lose Colleagues’ Respect

POTOMAC, MD—Providing male employees with an alternative to the standard one or two weeks off, executives from investment firm Wyndham Capital announced Tuesday that the company had begun offering extended paternity leave to any new fathers wanting more time to lose their colleagues’ respect. “We found that many men were unsatisfied with the duration of our previously offered leave, so we’ve amended our policy to accommodate those on staff who would like a little extra time to lower themselves in the eyes of their coworkers,” said vice president of HR Ben Nylen, explaining that the new 12-week leave was designed to give fathers ample time to show business associates that they’re effeminate weaklings unfit for the high-stakes world of finance. “Taking advantage of a full three months off is not only a great way for men to lose the personal and professional esteem of their peers, but also an opportunity to become the subject of ceaseless ridicule around the office.” Nylen added that, after taking an extended paternity leave, male employees were welcome to come back to the office and be overlooked for raises and promotions for the next dozen years.

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