New Google Streep View To Provide Panoramic Imagery Of Meryl Streep

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Vol 49 Issue 49

Saints vs. Panthers

The Panthers battle the Saints in a game that will certainly come down to one bullshit call. Onion Sports examines what each team must do to win. 

Onion Sports’ NFL Week 14 Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week 14 games: Texans at Jaguars OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Jaguars – Following a disappointing 27-20 loss, Texans owner...

Inconsiderate Woman On Bus Eating Live Tuna

PORTLAND, ME—Passengers on the No. 5 bus expressed frustration today as an inconsiderate fellow rider began openly consuming her lunch of a live, violently flopping Atlantic bluefin tuna.

8th Grader Caked In Makeup Probably Really Confident

A slow-witted conspiracy theorist is convinced the government is behind NASA, the grisly remains of 15 hobbits is discovered in Peter Jackson's attic, and a cool guy from middle school is still sporting his phat pair of JNCOS.

New Attractive Person Comes To Nation’s Attention

LOS ANGELES—With well-groomed hair, symmetrical facial features, and appealing anatomical proportions, a new attractive person captured the nation’s interest this week, joining the ranks of all others who are considered extremely good-looking ...

Lawsuit Seeks Human Rights For Chimps

Borrowing rhetoric from the anti-slavery movement, a lawsuit filed in New York on behalf of four captive chimpanzees seeks to recognize chimps as legal persons with a limited right to liberty, which would prohibit them from being kept as pets or used in b...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Personal Finance

New Google Streep View To Provide Panoramic Imagery Of Meryl Streep

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Promising to transform the way people experience Meryl Streep, Google announced Monday its new “Streep View” technology, providing zoomable 360-degree panoramas of the Oscar-winning actress. “For the first time, Google users are not merely limited to marking Streep locations on a map, but can also see her from any angle or scale they wish,” Google CEO Larry Page announced at a press event debuting the software platform, which is now live at streep.google.com. “Furthermore, our fleet of Streep View vans is working 24-7 to photograph every square centimeter of her surface and create a truly seamless Meryl-navigation experience.” As part of the company’s ongoing mission to streamline its suite of services, Page added that the module is fully compatible with the latest version of Google Firth.

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