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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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New Grown-Up Monitor Allows Children To Listen In On Parents Crying

EAST AURORA, NY—Fisher-Price announced the release of a new grown-up monitor Monday that will allow children to remotely keep tabs on their crying parents at a range of up to 400 feet. "Being a grown-up can be very stressful," said spokeswoman Lynn Clancy. "Whether Mommy's crying all day because she didn't marry the man she really loved or Daddy's sobbing in bed because he just knows some 23-year-old hotshot is going to get that promotion he desperately needs, children can feel secure knowing that they'll be able to hear every last emotional breakdown in full, crystal-clear detail." While the ParentCom is currently available only as an audio system, a new model with a video component allowing children to observe their parents sitting far apart in the living room and quietly seething is expected to be released next summer.

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