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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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New Hank Aaron Biography Reveals He Hated Hitting Home Runs

NEW YORK—In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves through the baseball world, Howard Bryant's recently published biography, The Last Hero: The Life Of Henry Aaron, reports that the Hall of Fame slugger actually despised hitting home runs. "They felt disgusting. Revolting. That's why I put off hitting the record-breaking home run for so long," Aaron says in an interview that appears in a chapter titled "Chasing The Bambino." "Lifting up my head to track the ball through the sky gave me terrible migraines, and I actually despised hitting the sweet spot of the bat. You couldn't feel anything. Nothing, except complete and utter emptiness." In the book, Aaron also reveals that he loved to bunt, claiming that he never felt more alive than when he'd tap the ball with his bat and watch it roll several inches and stop.

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