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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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New Hulk Hogan Autobiography 300 Pages About The Psychology Of The Leg Drop

NEW YORK—Reviewers of Hulk Hogan's recently released autobiography My Life Outside The Ring were surprised to find that, aside from three chapters containing sketchy details of the wrestler's Florida childhood, the book contained nothing more than a highly detailed psychological analysis of the atomic leg drop, Hogan's signature wrestling move. "While the physical power of the leg drop itself is not inconsiderable, its true impact is to the confidence and self-image of the inner wrestler—an ego-driven class of para-performer/pseudo-athlete whose self-image is a carefully assembled yet delicate mental construct," writes Hogan, the six-time WWF champion and reality-show star. "Moreover, those subjects who undergo repeated application of the leg drop usually develop habits of inadvertent and almost universally negative introspection, i.e., the tendency to question exactly why they entered the ring with the person or persons subjecting them to said leg drop." Sports psychologists are calling My Life Outside The Ring an innovative if somewhat single-minded opus, marred only by Hogan's rather didactic prose style and frequent mentions of his desire to leg drop his ex-wife, Linda.

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