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New iPhone Application Tracks Progress Of Deceased Loved Ones' Decomposition

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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New iPhone Application Tracks Progress Of Deceased Loved Ones' Decomposition

CUPERTINO, CA—According to its description on the Apple App Store website, Decomposhop, a new application that allows users to track the putrefaction of their deceased loved ones in real time, will be available for download by grieving iPhone owners starting Tuesday. "Decomposhop lets you import open casket photos, enter a date of death, and then watch over time as the face of a friend or family member slowly shrivels up beyond recognition," read a description of the product, which applies a decay algorithm to replicate the deterioration of human remains from bloat to liquefaction to dry rot. "With this revolutionary, fully iPhone 4 compatible app, you can see if your father is still wearing the suit you buried him in and receive customized alerts when the bones really start to poke out. $3.99." Developers told reporters that an iPad version with enhanced graphics and optional olfactory simulator will be out in time for Christmas.

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