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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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New iPhone Application Tracks Progress Of Deceased Loved Ones' Decomposition

CUPERTINO, CA—According to its description on the Apple App Store website, Decomposhop, a new application that allows users to track the putrefaction of their deceased loved ones in real time, will be available for download by grieving iPhone owners starting Tuesday. "Decomposhop lets you import open casket photos, enter a date of death, and then watch over time as the face of a friend or family member slowly shrivels up beyond recognition," read a description of the product, which applies a decay algorithm to replicate the deterioration of human remains from bloat to liquefaction to dry rot. "With this revolutionary, fully iPhone 4 compatible app, you can see if your father is still wearing the suit you buried him in and receive customized alerts when the bones really start to poke out. $3.99." Developers told reporters that an iPad version with enhanced graphics and optional olfactory simulator will be out in time for Christmas.

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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

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