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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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New Jackie Robinson Movie Probably Has Scene Where People Yell Things And He’s Upset And Wants To Fight Back But Doesn’t

LOS ANGELES—In anticipation of the release today of 42, the new Jackie Robinson biopic, moviegoers speculated that the film about the first African-American to play major-league baseball in the modern era most likely includes a scene in which a bunch of people yell horrible racist things at him and he’s upset and wants to fight back but he doesn’t. “There’s probably this part where he walks into the stadium for the first time, and everyone’s shouting at him because he’s black and they don’t like that, and he wants to lash out, but then his friend grabs his arm and says, ‘Beat ’em on the field, Jackie,’ and so he just keeps walking,” said local man Clint Harrison, 36, who predicted that the movie might also include a scene in which Robinson wants to give up because everyone’s so mean to him, but then his strong-willed wife consoles him and tells him he needs to keep playing because it’s not just about him anymore. “And at the beginning, all the guys on his team aren’t sure if they like him, but then he plays really, really good and some of them start to like him, and after a while they win a bunch of games, and by the end everybody likes him. Yeah, just like that.” Harrison further conjectured that 42 is probably a bad movie.

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