adBlockCheck

New Law Requires Richard Gere To Personally Inform Residents When He Moves To New Neighborhood

Top Headlines

Recent News

How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:

Details Of Dream House Getting Much Less Specific With Each New Place Found In Price Range

CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—With her initially stated desire for restored wide-plank floors and a walk-in pantry having already been broadened to any hardwood or laminate flooring and decent kitchen storage space, sources confirmed Friday that aspiring homeowner Chelsea Lange has supplied a progressively vaguer description of her dream home with each new place she reviews in her price range.

Viewers Impressed By How Male Trump Looked During Debate

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Saying the Republican nominee exhibited just the qualities they were looking for in the country’s next leader, viewers throughout the nation reported Monday night that they were impressed by how male Donald Trump appeared throughout the first debate.

Poll: 89% Of Debate Viewers Tuning In Solely To See Whether Roof Collapses

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Explaining that the American people showed relatively little interest in learning more about the nominees’ economic, counterterrorism, or immigration policies, a new Quinnipiac University poll revealed that 89 percent of viewers were tuning into Monday night’s presidential debate solely to see whether the roof collapses on the two candidates.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

New Law Requires Richard Gere To Personally Inform Residents When He Moves To New Neighborhood

SACRAMENTO, CA—Asserting that citizens have the right to know when the Golden Globe winner resides nearby, a newly enacted California statute dubbed “Richard’s Law” requires film actor Richard Gere to personally introduce himself to each member of the community upon moving to a new neighborhood. “Within five days of establishing residence, Mr. Gere himself shall visit all homes within a mile radius and clearly inform the occupants who he is and what major films he has starred in,” reads the legislation, which stipulates that Gere must leave a signed headshot at any residence in which the occupant does not answer the door in order to apprise them of his presence. “Mr. Gere must then give a detailed rundown of his career, listing the various awards he has received and providing a synopsis of any project on which he has appeared upon request by the resident. Furthermore, Mr. Gere’s full filmography shall also be printed on flyers and posted throughout the neighborhood.” A subsection of the law also reportedly funds the creation of an online database and map indicating where each and every cast member from An Officer And A Gentleman lives.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close