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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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New Law Requires Welfare Recipients To Submit Sweat To Prove How Hard They’re Looking For Job

WASHINGTON— In an effort to ensure that those on welfare are actively seeking employment, a new law enacted this week will require recipients of federal aid to periodically submit vials of sweat for measurement by government officials. “We want to make sure that our resources are allocated only to those who are deserving of assistance, which is why all welfare recipients must now prove they have exerted themselves past the point of perspiration during their job searches,” said United States Department of Labor representative Elizabeth Bronson, who added that each month, in order to collect benefit checks, welfare recipients will have to wring out their sweat into official government vials before mailing them in for analysis. “These new stipulations will guarantee that people on welfare are out there every day hitting the streets trying to find employment, working up a good sweat, and not returning home at night until beads of perspiration are dripping off of them.” According to reports, Congress is also considering a law that would require those receiving food stamps to send in recordings of their family’s stomachs growling.

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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