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What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Contents Of The Voyager Golden Record

Forty years ago this week, NASA launched Voyager 2, which carries a gold-plated record featuring pictures and sounds from Earth as well as scientific information, all of which was carefully compiled in anticipation of a possible extraterrestrial encounter. Here are the contents of the record:
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New Lion Tamer Shocked By Vast Amount Of Paperwork

BARABOO, WI—Traveling circus performer Scott Mueller, who said he has dreamed of becoming a lion tamer since childhood, was dismayed Monday to discover that the most death-defying part of his new job is not putting his head into the mouths of ferocious animals, but the abundance of paperwork his profession requires.

"When you're a kid, you just assume it's all whips and chairs and keeping roaring jungle predators at bay," Mueller said. "But it's far less thrilling than it sounds. Do you have any idea how many forms are involved in transporting a federally controlled predator across state lines via train? And every county has a completely different set of health codes and what have you. Hell, just processing the immunization records alone takes me like six hours."

Mueller added that he sometimes wonders why he left the insurance business in the first place.

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