adBlockCheck

New Liver Complains Of Difficulty Working With Lou Reed

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

New Liver Complains Of Difficulty Working With Lou Reed

NEW YORK—Just weeks after being transplanted into Lou Reed’s abdomen, a 3.5-pound donor liver voiced complaints to reporters Monday about the difficulty of working with the “temperamental” rock legend. “It’s really hard to get along with Lou—one minute he’s your best friend and the next he’s outright abusive,” said the vital organ, describing its ongoing collaboration with the former Velvet Underground frontman as “strained at best.” “He just has this way of making you feel completely inadequate. I can tell he doesn’t respect me at all. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s already thinking about replacing me.” The liver admitted it was considering ending its detoxification sessions with the 71-year-old recording artist and just letting him synthesize proteins and digestive biochemicals on his own.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close