adBlockCheck

Recent News

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Memoir Reveals Navy SEAL Bounced A Few Book Ideas Off Bin Laden Before Killing Him

WASHINGTON—An early leak of the upcoming memoir documenting the raid that killed Osama bin Laden reveals the Navy SEAL who penned the in-depth account bounced several book ideas off the terrorist before shooting and killing him. “I was thinking the book could start with a little background on each member of SEAL Team Six before getting into the raid, but maybe it would be better if it started with all of us riding the helicopter to the compound—just to whet the readers’ appetites a little, you know?” the Navy SEAL, writing under the pseudonym Mark Owen, reportedly said while pointing a gun at bin Laden and encouraging him to “feel free to throw in any title suggestions [he] may have.” “And I was thinking there could be a quick profile to fill in your backstory a bit, so if you wouldn’t mind sharing a few interesting facts or anecdotes that haven’t already been covered in other books, that’d be great.” Prior to having his head blown off, bin Laden is said to have suggested a “pretty neat” technique of jumping back and forth in time between the SEAL team’s training and the actual mission.

More from this section

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close