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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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New, More Realistic ‘NFL Play 60’ Campaign Encourages Kids To Be Active For 60 Seconds A Week

NEW YORK—Admitting that the previous incarnation of its program may have set unrealistically high expectations for the nation’s youth, the NFL unveiled Thursday its newly downscaled “Play 60” campaign, in which the league is encouraging children to be physically active for 60 seconds per week. “In hindsight, hoping that kids would be able to get out there and move around for an entire hour every single day was wildly optimistic, but we’re hoping that a solid minute of motion every week or so is a bit more attainable,” NFL spokesperson Clare Graff said of the more reasonable health and fitness campaign, which urges children to make an effort to engage in such activities as standing, waddling, and holding a “semi-vertical” pose to whatever extent they are capable. “And keep in mind that those 60 seconds don’t all have to come at once. No need to overdo it. You can split it up into five- or 10-second chunks, and you don’t have to start with a full minute at first. Just, you know, try your best.” Graff added that in an effort to spread word about the revised exercise program, the NFL is planning on airing a new Play 60 commercial featuring a group of panting, red-faced children shifting around on a couch with Green Bay Packers defensive tackle B.J. Raji.

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