New, More Realistic ‘NFL Play 60’ Campaign Encourages Kids To Be Active For 60 Seconds A Week

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 49

Saints vs. Panthers

The Panthers battle the Saints in a game that will certainly come down to one bullshit call. Onion Sports examines what each team must do to win. 

Onion Sports’ NFL Week 14 Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week 14 games: Texans at Jaguars OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Jaguars – Following a disappointing 27-20 loss, Texans owner...

Inconsiderate Woman On Bus Eating Live Tuna

PORTLAND, ME—Passengers on the No. 5 bus expressed frustration today as an inconsiderate fellow rider began openly consuming her lunch of a live, violently flopping Atlantic bluefin tuna.

8th Grader Caked In Makeup Probably Really Confident

A slow-witted conspiracy theorist is convinced the government is behind NASA, the grisly remains of 15 hobbits is discovered in Peter Jackson's attic, and a cool guy from middle school is still sporting his phat pair of JNCOS.

New Attractive Person Comes To Nation’s Attention

LOS ANGELES—With well-groomed hair, symmetrical facial features, and appealing anatomical proportions, a new attractive person captured the nation’s interest this week, joining the ranks of all others who are considered extremely good-looking ...

Lawsuit Seeks Human Rights For Chimps

Borrowing rhetoric from the anti-slavery movement, a lawsuit filed in New York on behalf of four captive chimpanzees seeks to recognize chimps as legal persons with a limited right to liberty, which would prohibit them from being kept as pets or used in b...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Business

New, More Realistic ‘NFL Play 60’ Campaign Encourages Kids To Be Active For 60 Seconds A Week

NEW YORK—Admitting that the previous incarnation of its program may have set unrealistically high expectations for the nation’s youth, the NFL unveiled Thursday its newly downscaled “Play 60” campaign, in which the league is encouraging children to be physically active for 60 seconds per week. “In hindsight, hoping that kids would be able to get out there and move around for an entire hour every single day was wildly optimistic, but we’re hoping that a solid minute of motion every week or so is a bit more attainable,” NFL spokesperson Clare Graff said of the more reasonable health and fitness campaign, which urges children to make an effort to engage in such activities as standing, waddling, and holding a “semi-vertical” pose to whatever extent they are capable. “And keep in mind that those 60 seconds don’t all have to come at once. No need to overdo it. You can split it up into five- or 10-second chunks, and you don’t have to start with a full minute at first. Just, you know, try your best.” Graff added that in an effort to spread word about the revised exercise program, the NFL is planning on airing a new Play 60 commercial featuring a group of panting, red-faced children shifting around on a couch with Green Bay Packers defensive tackle B.J. Raji.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More