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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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New NASCAR Rules Change Designed To Cut Down On Constant Honking

DAYTONA BEACH, FL—NASCAR's rules committee unveiled a new set of regulations Thursday specifically aimed at reducing the incessant horn-honking heard throughout the Sprint Cup Series. "By penalizing excessive and pointless honks, we'll be cutting out almost 80 percent of the noise pollution from our races," said NASCAR chairman and CEO Brian France, adding that for several years stock-car racing has been losing fans due to the annoying car-horn racket. "Drivers may only honk their horns if a car is in their way or if they get cut off, but they are expressly prohibited from honking when they're just plain frustrated. Not only that, but caution laps run under yellow flags will be strictly honk-free, with violations punishable by a $200 fine." Though the issue was not raised during the offseason, France later implied that NASCAR would take action against drivers who slow down gradually in front of other drivers just to aggravate them.

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