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New NASCAR Rules Change Designed To Cut Down On Constant Honking

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

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New NASCAR Rules Change Designed To Cut Down On Constant Honking

DAYTONA BEACH, FL—NASCAR's rules committee unveiled a new set of regulations Thursday specifically aimed at reducing the incessant horn-honking heard throughout the Sprint Cup Series. "By penalizing excessive and pointless honks, we'll be cutting out almost 80 percent of the noise pollution from our races," said NASCAR chairman and CEO Brian France, adding that for several years stock-car racing has been losing fans due to the annoying car-horn racket. "Drivers may only honk their horns if a car is in their way or if they get cut off, but they are expressly prohibited from honking when they're just plain frustrated. Not only that, but caution laps run under yellow flags will be strictly honk-free, with violations punishable by a $200 fine." Though the issue was not raised during the offseason, France later implied that NASCAR would take action against drivers who slow down gradually in front of other drivers just to aggravate them.

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